Superfail! (aliaspiral) wrote,
Superfail!
aliaspiral

Domyouji Tsukasa: EVIL SADISTIC BASTARD or WOOBIE OF THE YEAR?

Ive been wanting to do this for a while, because really, Dorkface is FANTASTICALLY evil. So much so that for the first two episodes, I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM and thought he was ugly. A..and then? Um. Well, and then, he kinda became totally completely adorable. AND THEN REALLY HOT. But, still evil.

So, here, I bring to you PICSPAMTASTIC PROOF that Domyouji Tsukasa, referred to here with complete and honest and GENUINE LOVE AND AFFECTION as "Dorkface," somehow manages to be both evil and completely woobiefied. I DONT KNOW HOW HE DOES IT.

Spoilers for s1 like WHOA. And there is a disturbing number of caps under here, because i have no self control when it comes to Dorkface, he makes me keysmash endlessly, so click the link and then GO MAKE A SNACK.




We begin our adventure in a really rich school where really rich people go and in which some poor sucker accidentally spilled something on Dorkface's jacket. or something, i dont really remember, but whatever. So, naturally, Dorkface has the entire school torture him and then Dorkface personally kicks his ass. BECAUSE THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE. Also, Dorkface has major violence issues.

Photobucket
*evils*

Well, that's just not enough. So the next day, when the cute little transfer student accidentally dumps her lunch tray all over his shirt, Dorkface just HAS to strip get all..menacing. Especially when a poor girl with more guts then sense attempts to intervene. *fans self* Is it hot in here?

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket
Dorkface: *hot stare of pure unadulterated evil*
Makino: *cowers*

Naturally, he calls out the school to torture Makino, but she doesn't follow the rules and refuses to let him win. He throws a tantrum, has the entire school be COMPLETELY HORRIBLE TO HER, including an almost sexual assault, until finally,


when he's thrown her lunch on the floor and crushed it under his pointy pointy shoe, she tells him off, calls him a spoiled little boy with no fashion sense and PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE WHICH IS OMG SO AWESOME.


His reaction?



*wibble*

I kind of expect him to touch his face and say, "You hit me. Rui, she hit me!" and then cry.

Photobucket
Instead, he has her kidnapped.

In order to give her a makeover.

I DONT MAKE THIS SHIT UP OK?

Photobucket
Dorkface: Fear me. Love me. Do as I say and I will be your slave.
Drop out of school. Let me win. JUST GO AWAY. *bribes*

Needless to say, she doesnt. Because then where would we be? Instead, she stands up for transfer student girl yet again, because Dorkface figured if he picked on her friend, maybe she'd give in, and then there is this whole scene and i have to shove my ENTIRE FIST IN MY MOUTH TO KEEP FROM SHRIEKING because this should not EVER be as hot as it is.

Photobucket
Dorkface: *holds court*
Makino: *hits thrown bottle of soy sauce with bat*
Dorkface's shoe: *is dripped upon*

Photobucket
"Lick.It.Off."

a;lskaldksa;dklsa;

Evil bitches invite her to a party - she shows up in jeans and its fancy dress and bitches are all TEEHEE *dump drink over Makino's head*


So, Rui's hot girl loans her a dress and she comes downstairs and Dorkface goes:*stare* and Rui says "she's cute"


and Dorkface is all NUH UH *jealous*


He takes a swing at Rui, loses his balance, and lands RIGHT ON MAKINO'S LIPS. I AM SO NOT KIDDING OMG.

The following conversation between Dorkface and the rest of F4 as he tries to convince them that THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT HIS FIRST KISS is made of epic win.


Photobucket
Next, he arranges to OOPS be right there on her way to school and is the hugest dork in the world and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and he offers her a ride to school , which she declines because she thinks he's still TRYING TO KILL HER. At which point he gets out of the car and CHASES HER DOWN THE STREET trying to give her a ride. It is extremely awesome and full of hilarity. He also gets punched in the face by his sister, and i decide this might be the best.show.ever.

Later, he does puzzles and gazes wistfully up at the sky and I DIE A LITTLE INSIDE BECAUSE OF THAT FACE! RIGHT THERE! I WANT TO CUDDLE HIM!



Photobucket
Dorkface sees Makino and Rui sharing a moment.


So he goes and picks a fight in a nightclub. Because Dorkface has violence issues. And i dont mean he went up and said, "your shoes are ugly," and waited for someone to take a swing at him. No, I mean, he walks in and starts randomly punching people.


After he beats up about 5 guys, he screams. Clearly, he has rage issues too.

Rui leaves. Dorkface cries.


I decided "SO GAY FOR RUI" is the only possible keyword for the icon Im using. Also, I totally flail, because HE'S CRYING LOOK AT HIM HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

His sister gives him some weird pep talk about love and being patient, which in Dorkface's world, translates to:


*bitchslaps*

and

Photobucket
*demand Makino's presence somewhere in a snarl*

It is the best "will you go on a date with me?" ever. especially because she's still fairly certain he wants to drink her blood and decorate the school with her flesh. Also, he just kinda throws a time and place out at her, and for all she knows, he's planning a rumble.


When she tries to find out what the hell is going on, he manages to mangle both English AND Japanese IN THE SAME SENTENCE, and then MOCKS HER READING SKILLS.

Now, Im warning you, this next scene is quite possibly the best thing in the whole history of the universe, so brace yourselves because I KINDA HAVE ALOT OF CAPS OF IT.

He gets to meeting place. 15 minutes early. THIS IS IMPORTANT. She goes shopping - justifying that he didnt ask her and she never said she'd be there.


He waits.

And waits.

And waits.

FOR THREE HOURS.

AND NOW ITS RAINING.

It is at this very moment that I began to babble incoherently and began sending incomprehensible emails to literarylemming and rinalin demanding they download Hana Yori Dango RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY SECOND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

Finally, she comes running up, staring at him in amazement because HE'S STILL THERE.


alksaksldakldfjskl

He sees her and just..grabs her and holds her and it's gorgeous and slow motion and then


she realizes that this crazy guy who has had her kidnapped before is holding her and she's getting wet and HE'S REALLY WEIRD AND CRAZY OK?
what are you thinking, grabbing people like that?

Photobucket
He was worried. Thought she had been in an accident. And if she doesnt have a good excuse for being late, he'll KILL HER.

I send more flaily emails demanding my friends watch this show because THIS IS THE AWESOMEST THING EVER.




Im pretty sure Makino is having the same problems I am, because he flips back and forth between bastard and woobie so fast in this scene, it makes my head spin.
"I thought you were in an accident."
"IF YOU DONT HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE ILL KILL YOU."
"It's so cold." *shivers*
"BUY ME TEA, YOU IDIOT." *stomps off*

Also, she gets pissy and starts yelling back that she never said she would come, and he's all YOU'RE HERE, ARENT YOU? Perhaps it is because you are madly in love with me! and from anyone else, I would be all WHATEVER, but the WAY he says it is all unsure and hopeful and alskasajkldjsakldlal I love you, Dorkface.


dude: do you want to take a survey?
Dorkface: *punch*
alia: *dies*



then, there is the elevator. they get locked in and he tells her that everything ever is ALL HER FAULT. And she's an idiot. Who can't do anything right.

Get used to this. He does it alot. Because he's a bastard.


He has a delicate disposition, so naturally, gets sick. Makino rolls her eyes and takes care of the doofus while he bastard/woobies quietly in the background.


alia: *swoons*


Workguys let them out of the elevator the next morning and mock, and Dorkface tries to steal a kiss (and succeeds in stealing her scarf). Makino runs away. A picture of the almost kiss makes it into the paper and into the school and everyone is all OMG! and YOU HAD SEX, DORKFACE? and Dorkface puffs himself up proudly and proclaims they spent the night together and Makino is trying to kill him with her laser beam eyes.

F4 is impressed that he had sex. Dorkface is all "And we almost kissed!" and F4 is very confused. It is very possible Dorkface has little understanding of sex. Or how to do it.

Makino gets invited to go to a club by the bitches, and you would think she would know better, but she doesnt, she goes, gets drugged and has incriminating photos of her taken in a hotel room with some guy. Naturally, whoever took the pictures decorates the school with them. And everybody is mean and hates her and Dorkface comes slamming in demanding they get their hands off of his Makino...


He sees the pictures, and this cap does not do this look justice. Seriously, he's TEARY EYED, y'all. And he looks betrayed and sad and my heart leaps out of my chest and goes running towards him screaming I LOVE YOU DORKFACE.

And then he leaves her to the classmates. Who bounce her off the floor several times. HE LEAVES HER TO GET BEATEN UP. He will not ever stop being a bastard.

Makino goes to talk to him and yells that she doesnt know why she's apologizing because she didnt do anything wrong and THEY ARENT EVEN DATING ANYWAY and then bitches on the phone to the transfer student about wanting to find out the truth.

About this time, we discover that little miss transfer student, um..isnt. She is, however, BAT SHIT CRAZY. she set up the whole thing. and she leads Dorkface to the hotel and to the room and is all wide eyed and HERE'S WHERE MAKINO WAS NAKED! and Dorkface dies inside. Then she comes onto him and it's like she's completely invisible.

I think Dorkface skipped sex ed because he couldnt figure out why you would do something so yucky with someone who has cooties. LIKE SHE ISNT EVEN THERE.


He goes to deal with his violence issues and attacks four guys who are innocently walking down the street.

Then, Batshit Crazy Girl calls and tells Dorkface he has to get down there or else she'll kill Makino, who she has kidnapped! BSCG has a knife to Makino's throat and when Dorkface comes running in (literally. he ran the whole way. carrying Makino's scarf), she tells him he has to stand still for a beating or else she'll cut Makino's throat.

Photobucket
Dorkface: *is beaten*
Makino: *is yelling at him to fight back*
BSCG: TELL ME IM PRETTY!

Minions: *beat*
Dorkface: *glares*
Minions: *continue beating*
Dorkface: *yawns*
Minions: *gasping for breath* THIS GUY IS NOT NORMAL
alia: *cries laughing*

BSCG gives up and takes her minions with her.


Makino: Why did you DO that, you moron?
Dorkface: Because I love you!
Makino: WHAT?

Back at school, he is still beaten and bitchy and demanding she feed him. Which she refuses to do, thank you very much, and basically calls him a weakling and its possible I snorted water up my nose during this scene.

BSCG comes in and we find out she is some weird girl who Dorkface told was ugly WHEN THEY WERE FIVE and she's had tons of plastic surgery and everyone mocks. Except Makino, who bitches them all out, snarls that she still thinks BSCG is batshit and evil BUT SHE LIKED MAKINO'S MOM'S RICE CAKES.


Dorkface: *hearts*


Dorkface: *glomps* *mangles Japanese phrases*
Crowd: *cheers* Pot belly!
Rui: *returns*


Dorkface: We're totally dating!
Makino: Eh?


I love this phone. It's gold plated.. It plays the Imperial Death March. When he calls Makino, it says, THE ALMIGHTY ME.

She uses this phone to call him to say, hey! Let's go on a double date with my best friend!

ACTUAL RESPONSE:
*ring*
WHAT? Oh. YOU MUST BE JOKING, YOU IDIOT.
*click*

Yep. Still a bastard. Just checking.

They go, and I snicker every time i look at his outfit, and Yuki's boyfriend is a total ass, but Dorkface tells Makino not to worry, he won't hit the jackass.

Dorkface: "I know I told Rui we were dating, but you haven't said how you really feel about me. But, when I said I loved you, it was the truth. I'll wait until your heart can give me an honest reply."
Makino: *wordless*
alia: *flails wildly*

And then the jackass says, let's ditch this pop stand! lets go meet new girls! your date is weird and not very pretty!

*smackdown*

HE HEADBUTTS HIM THREE TIMES IN THE FACE. All the while proclaiming how very pretty Makino is! Naturally, Makino has no idea what they were fighting about and decides it was Dorkface's violent tendencies coming out and he doesnt correct her. Occansionally, Dorkface is bizarrely polite about things, and it's likely he didnt want to tell her her best friend was dating a douche. They argue. She slaps him and storms out.


Dorkface sees Rui hugging Makino. And Makino about to hug back. I need to leap through the screen and cuddle him.

Makino and Rui go out on a date
Photobucket
and Dorkface stalks them. And evils in their direction.


He and Makino get into a screaming fight and Rui is looking on like, "wow, i really dont have a chance in hell, do i?"

Anyway, the date falls apart, F4 meets up, Rui makes some very rude comments about Makino and sex, at which point Dorkface ATTACKS and then it turns into a whole huge fight between all four of them until Rui says he was lying and all Makino talked about was Dorkface.

Hey! Maybe Dorkface DOES know what sex is!


Bloody boypile of happiness

The truth about douche boy comes out and so Makino TEXT MESSAGES Dorkface to apologize for not believing in him.

He calls, demands her presence somewhere..and she finds out her dad just got fired. And they have to move.


Because Dorkface's mother is seven times the evil he is. Also, she isn't nearly as irrational and flaily. Which means she actually accomplishes her evil plans.

Dont worry, there is a cunning plan! Makino is going to enter a beauty contest! It is completely irrational, and really awesome.

Dorkface totally pushes her into it, gets all of his friends to help, gets her tutors, and is very supportive.


Well...


Um..

Ok, so he's still a bastard.


But then he looks at her like this, and tells her she can do anything. He believes in her. And I babble and make vowel sounds and flap my hands.


Even if he is totally evil.


And has to be restrained to keep from killing people. I laugh every time i look at this picture. THEY WHEEL HIM IN ON A CART.

Anyway, Dorkface's mom wants to make a deal if Makino loses the weirdest beauty contest ever. Dorkface gets backed into a corner and agrees.

Makino gets through to the last round of the contest AND GETS BOO'D.


*audience smackdown*


You can do it, Makino! I'll be right here! Just be yourself!

I LOVE THIS BOY.


Makino: *loses*


Mother: *is smug*

He doesnt tell Makino about the deal, but he calls. And he tells her she was amazing. And you can tell it's KILLING HIM to not be there.


And I might get teary and flaily about now when i see him get all shiny eyed but SHUT UP. And he asks Rui to look after her, and says that he totally isnt giving Rui Makino, but if she wanted Rui...he doesnt know what he'd do. and his voice shakes and he looks like his world would be over and alksakslaklsal.


He writes her the most awesome letter on the face of the planet.

Hello, how are you?
I'm fine.
I'm moving to New York.
Thanks for everything. Like when I got beat up so bad that time, I never knew what it felt like. So, now I know how those other guys I beat up all the time felt. You taught me that!

*cries with laughter*


He also gives her Saturn, tells her she is stupid and absolutely worthless, and then ends the letter like this.

I dont know whether to hit him or make out with him.


Makino chases after the plane


To tell him something important.


He freezes, his eyes get all wide, and you can tell he really really wants her to say "I love you."

She says "thank you."

He makes a joke about her being madly in love with him. Only, it's not a joke.

She cries. "I do love you! You're stupid and selfish and.."


*glomp*

And its gorgeous and awesome and Im gleeful and bouncing and he LEAVES and I sniffle but know there is Hana Yori Dango RETURNS, which means moremoremore Dorkface!

And this time, he's just gonna be a woobie!

Photobucket
Ok, maybe not.



Caps mostly from here and here and from literarylemming.
Tags: hana yori dango, japan broke my capslock, my sweat honey
Subscribe

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 39 comments