1. The knife slash wasnt a murder attempt, although he wouldnt believe it. Trying to leave him behind for the blue hands WAS, or would have been if she had been thinking more clearly.
2. River didnt have many jobs on board ship. There werent many chores that required a crazy mind reading genius. She followed Mal around one day and pestered him with questions until he ordered her to go help Simon make dinner.
Jayne, and the rest of the crew, didnt think that Simon's cooking could get any worse, but they were proved wrong. Very wrong.
3. One day, after he called her "crazy" one time too many, and made fun of Simon and picked on Kaylee, River closed her eyes and actively tried to kill him with her brain.
She sulked for an hour when it didnt work.
4. She didnt leave her jacks out on purpose, really. It wasnt her fault he didnt see the ball until he was already too late to stop himself from slipping on it and falling down the stairs.
5. She thought and thought about a way to give him a heart attack. It was a complete accident when he walked in on her in the shower.
She had to run and go get Simon to stich up Jayne's forehead after he fainted.
for thegranddewru: 5 things Jayne's momma told him before he left home
1. Wear clean underwear. You might be in a wreck.
Ah, MA! I ain't gonna be in no wreck!
2. Write home as often as you can, son. Family is the most important thing in this 'verse.
Even if I am in a wreck, my underdrawers ain't gonna be clean long.
3. THWACK. Mind your manners!
Ow! Yes'm. Sorry.
4. Bring me home a nice daughter in law, someday before I'm dead.
Ah, Ma, I aint got no time to be going courting. And 'sides, you're gonna live forever.
5. *sniffles* Don't forget your old Ma, now, son.
Ain't nobody else like you in the whole 'verse, Ma. I promise.
Two more that need to be done. Sorry about the delay. Ive been meaning to do these.
PS. how awesome is this icon?