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ARASHI: Sho and Aiba - Laugh

Firefly Fic: Monkey Business

Title: Monkey Business
Author: alianora
Summery: Monkey see, monkey do...
A/N: *facepalm* rinalin, all your fault!

Simon had sort of known it would probably be a mistake to take her to the zoo, but he had pictured screaming. Fits over ice cream. Riding the merry go round a few hundred times.

He didn’t picture having to try to coax her down from the catwalks with dehydrated bananas.

She had been having a great day. They were on one of the more high scale border worlds, and Simon had wanted to take the chance to get her off the ship for a while before the Captain got the job and started getting shot at for whatever reason.

She had a blast.

She ate cotton candy (somehow smearing some down Jayne’s neck when they got back, Simon had yet to figure that one out), she rode the train, and she even petted a giraffe.

And then, she saw the monkeys.

Simon had tried to keep up with her, but he was hampered by carrying her stuffed seal and the leftover cotton candy.

She was already scaling the fence when Simon caught up with her. He had to physically pry her off the enclosure and make her stay back. But when he tried to make her go home, she started screaming.

They had ended up staying there for over five hours.

Simon had barely managed to drag her all the way back to Serenity.

He kept having to get her out of the trees.

And now, here he was, standing in the cargo bay, with a handful of banana chips, begging his baby sister to stop reenacting scenes from Gorillas in the Mist.

Mal had thought it was funny. Jayne had thought it was funny. Book had smiled tolerantly at her, until River started trying to pick nits out of his hair.

All amusement had ended when they had dinner and River flung an entire spoonful of protein mush at Inara.

Jayne had found it hysterical, naturally, which was why the Captain had banished him to the cargo bay to help Simon while Zoë went to help Inara get the muck off her fancy outfit.

Really, he wasn’t helping, and as far as Simon was concerned, Jayne could go away at any time now.

Jayne had resorted to throwing banana chips at her, in the hopes of getting a lucky shot and at least pegging her in the forehead.

She was entirely too fast and had caught every single chip tossed at her with a hoot of thank you.

But this had now been going on for over an hour, and River still wouldn’t come down from the catwalks.

And her hoots and yells echoed throughout the ship painfully.

“Come on, girl!” Jayne finally yelled. “I’m getting tired, and my supper’s got cold while you are being a freak!”

“She cannot!” River called down. “The one on the floor is her own species, and inappropriate conduct would proceed, and her brother would not be amused.”

“What?” Jayne, as always, looked confused.

Simon rolled his eyes, even though he had no clue what sort of “inappropriate conduct” she was talking about.

“I won’t disapprove, River!” He called. “Please come down?” He offered his handful of banana chips hopefully.

“You won’t like it.” Her voice was taunting.

“How do you know?” He was starting to get whiny. Kaylee was going to show him around the engine room tonight, and if this took much longer, she might change her mind.

“He is her own species, and she will greet him as such!”

“What the hell, girl?” Jayne was staring upwards at her. “Just come down! I’m hungry!”

“Always hungry, Kong.”


“King Kong, he who stalks through the night!”

With that odd statement, River landed gracefully off of the catwalk in front of Simon.

Grabbing a banana chip out of his hand, she whirled and poked Jayne in the chest.

“She will not be carried to the top of the building, but she will do her own climbing!”

“What?” Jayne started to say, just as River tossed the rest of her banana chip over her shoulder and literally climbed right up Jayne into his arms.

He gawked at her.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and smiled at him. “Gorillas often smell bad, but I would prefer it if you bathed.”

Jayne tried to shove her off, but she wasn’t budging.

“River!” Simon exclaimed.

“The females choose among the males. I choose this one.” She wrapped her arms around the protesting mercenary’s neck. “Can I have a banana?”



Jayne as King Kong. ROFLMAO.

Brilliant, as usual.
i swear, this was so not my fault! but the mental image of River climbing Jayne like a monkey was too good not to use the King Kong description.

and thank you!
*jaw drops*

Jayne Monkey!

Jayne Kong and River Monkey!

thanks for reading!
OMG. That. Was. Hilarious.
*beams* thank you!
Your brain must be a fascinating place to visit...

I loved this. Jayne!monkey! Teehee!
my brain is a terrifying place to live, but i wouldnt know about visiting..i would suggest if you visit that you come armed and carry a straight jacket.

thanks for reading!
*stares* ... *falls over laughing*

She so warned you Simon!

Loved it as always.
she did warn him! its not her fault!

thanks for reading!
But then it never is River's fault is it?
HAH! River found her very own man-ape! LMAO! I love it!

You're insane, you know that? ;) That's why I love you!

*hugs your ankles*
my brain is such a strange place! you have no idea!...ok, actaully, you totally have an idea..

i love you too! *topples over*
*naughty thoughts about which "banana" River wants Jayne to give her*

LMAO! Awesomely HI-larious as usual!
lmao! that is not how i meant it, dirty girl!

and thank you! this was entirely too much fun to write at 1 am!
Not how you meant it??? Yes it was, you pithy perverted prevaricator! River wants Jayne's great big banana, and this was your subconcious talking (PHALLIC shaped fruit! And, what we used when we were taught the CORRECT way to put a condom on a guy, so OF COURSE my mind *went THERE*).

JK about the "prevaricator" part though! (points for using a 3 dallar colidge werd????) *Smooches*

This whole set makes me giggle with girlish glee. And I wish I could use Photoshop or some OTHER program to make little icons to go with it. Like melty cotton candy...ummmm. (Wish *I* could have licked that off!).

Can't wait for your next ones...which WILL BE SOON, correct? (Why yes, that was the sound of a *whip* cracking. And YOU KNOW you liked it!)

By the way, have you seen The Inside? I would loooooove to read a DannyLoveFic, especially if YOU or literarylemming wrote it! I am going to re-watch them all this week with THE HOPE of having a bunny bite me, or at least hump my leg a few times. 'Cause there are NOOOOO DannyLoveFics. Just the crappysappyickymoony Rebecca/Paul stuff. GACK!

Oh, that's just nasty in the best way!!! <3
nasty? *scratches head* but..monkeys! monkeys are funny! its not like she is flinging poo or anything..
Ok, so why is the "not-monkey" Migsy from Anise's "Dr. Jackson's Diary" galavanting through my head...throwing poo.

(If you haven't read it, don't worry. You won't get it otherwise.)
The "nasty" is because of my dirty imagination wondering just waht kind of banana River was refering to.

God I love your Rayne fic! Doesn't mean I love Rayne, but when you write them... *LOVES*
Yes! I love your River and Jayne.
LMAO! Oh that's too cute. Hee poor Simon, maybe even poor Jayne. The females choose the mates. Bwaahahaha! Oh I could see how this will continue on. OH the funny!
that was HILARIOUS!

i love your layout.
We are such bad influences on each other.

I am so addicted to your writing it's not even funny. I come back and re-read all the time. We're going to have such fun together with our episode. And HEY! It's offically December!
ARASHI: Sho and Aiba - Laugh

October 2014



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