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BOOK: Shh I'm Undercover

Always Late to the Party, But at Least I've Got an Invite

Y'ALL, OMG Y'ALL, I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT.

I have! I swear! YOU WILL BE BLOWN AWAY.

Unless someone else has already figured it out, which is entirely possible because i am always remarkably behind on the times and spend a great portion of my time online going, "who is this guy in this pic that keeps popping up?", "I DONT KNOW-IS IT FUNNY?", and "wait, what is everyone watching now?"

REGARDLESS.

My epiphany: On how Twilight is just like Wuthering Heights.

Bring up Heathcliff with my mother and she will sigh and clutch her chest and swoon. She will tell me how romantic Wuthering Heights is and how amazing and what a wonderful relationship and im staring at her going, "ABUSIVE PSYCHOTIC BASTARD HELLO?"

Cathy is warped and selfish and cruel and completely insensitive, which makes her a PERFECT match for the misogynistic asshole himself, and then they get involved with other people out of spite, she dies, and he goes and dies on her grave or something, i dont remember, it's been a while.

this is not romance, this is a Morality Tale about the dangers of sake obsession.

SEE? SEE? IT'S JUST LIKE TWILIGHT! People are sighing and clutching their chests (...yeah, breasts, probably, but whatever) and swooning over how romantic it is that Edward watches Bella sleep, removes the engine from her car, and denies her own choices over her sexual activities, and im thinking, "CREEPY CONTROLLING STALKER AAAAHHHH."

Bella is warped and selfish and cruel - and has the added bonus of completely losing ANY BRAINCELLS SHE HAS the instant Edward glitters his way into the room, and they get involved and drag some poor wolfy guy who can't afford a shirt into their drama, and then she wants to die and spends 4 months in a self induced coma of stupidity or something, and then ridiculous things happen, they have sex and more ridiculous things happen, and then she dies and he makes her a vampire and more dumb shit happens idk.

This is ALSO not a romance! This is ALSO a Morality Tale about the dangers of sake obsession!

...although, to be fair, if Bella was really Cathy, they instant Edward took off, Bella would have married the most inappropriate man humanly possible. like Wolfboy's dad. JUST TO GET EVEN.



PS. My firefox updated itself, and now i dont have Deepest Sender. HALP.

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Comments

Oh, That was too funny. And you are so right!
I love you for this.
ARASHI: Sho and Aiba - Laugh

October 2014

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