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ARASHI: Sho and Aiba - Laugh

Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here in the dark

*crawls into a hole*



I feel like crap. When Im at work and busy, I'm ok, I can brush it off. Push it away. Repress.

At home, I feel like I want to throw up.

This summer was awesome. I didn't work much, which resulted in some interesting financial situations this month, but whatever, and I read and walked and spent time outside and learned to crochet and traveled and relaxed, and it was amazing.

And then school.

Again, school. My eighth year, I think. Doing something I know I don't like, and requires me to be on anti anxiety/anti depression meds just to function normally within the job.

Last night I couldn't sleep because I wanted to puke. I havent. Im not nauseous. I just gag a little when I think about work. I have the URGE to puke. My stomach is very unhappy with me, although it might also be related to the stress eating. This weekend I ate two boxes of chocolate covered almonds. Of course, I didnt really eat anything ELSE.

im not at the xanax point yet, but i dread the thought of having to go back to the doctor to get my dosage adjusted up because of my damn JOB. That is my anxiety. My job with my fucking crazy principal, my awesome/stressful/crazy children, my long fucking drive, and now, my lack of Teacher Assistant.

And sure, it's easy to say that I should just get another job, but kids, this is my skillset. This is what Im trained to do. And we can't make it without my salary. We barely make it some months as it is. I can't switch jobs. I dont want to go back to school or for new training unless it's free or i KNOW it's what I want to do. And I dont know what I want to do. Most days I dont even know what I want for lunch, much less what i want to be DOING.

And all I want to do is be left alone.

*pulls covers over head*



Fuck that. Someone gimme some drama or Firefly prompts.

Comments

FLYING TAMS.

And ugh. Double ugh. Triple ugh.

And considering I ate a jar of pickles last week out of stress...
A rush, a turn, and then she spun into thin air. Nothing below her, and for a few precious seconds, she was flying.

And then, strong arms reaching out - always waiting, even when she couldn't see - and with a sudden jerk, she was anchored.

They swayed together above the blur of faces, and she thought sometimes that the seconds where she was held suspended in the air, that was serenity.

Somewhere below, she could feel a heartbeat - one that could have been theirs. But as Simon pivoted at an impossible angle, his eyes focused only on their safety, she reached out again, knowing that she would never fall, but she would never swim in the stars.
YES! *HUGS*

There's a guy in my orientation group whose name is Charlie Wesley. But he has brown hair. I feel bad for him.
it's not the full Flying Tams that I really want, but it is a glimpse in. I mean, how would I even go about describing how it happened? Really, because my sideways brain, would anyone else even THINK of Simon joining the circus?

....Charlie Wesley. Awesome! And tragic! All at the same time!
River and Jayne. As candies.

Or the two of them going to a pet store to pick out a pet.
My brain is now trying to fit as many puns into a few sentences as possible of Jayne and River snarking at each other. Starting with "certifiable" and getting worse from there. Sadly, no actually fic to go with.

I can see them in a pet store. Jayne getting progressively more bad tempered, as he's been put to crazy-sit, and she wants to cuddle things and discuss their lives and personalities. And then she's released all the feeder mice and he has a bird in his hair, and somehow in the chaos of him trying to get her back to the ship without getting arrested for her disturbing the peace with her yelling about freedom or whatever, she's shoved a guinea pig down her shirt, and man, is Mal gonna be pissed.
::snerk:: This pet store image is most wondermous!

I have been writing nonstop Inception fic for the past two weeks. I need to write something different. I may have something for one of your prompts. And no, not rushing at them. Just want to write more stuff. :D
*cuddles*

I wish I had some words of wisdom, love.

...I know it's not Firefly or fic...

but how about Arashi working at Lush? The store or, even better... the design floor.
Words of wisdom not needed, just the cuddles.


..and no. as it's not what i want. although the mental of Ohno coming up with bizarre ideas and Sho tearing his hair out trying to figure out how to make it happen amuses me.
I'm just a random person off the internt, but... I feel for you. Your work situation sounds incredibly unpleasant.

So here's a link to cheer you up: (if you haven't already heard about it, that is) Oguri Shun and Inoue Mao are co-starring in a new drama series. They are joined by Hiroki Narimiya. Apparently Shun is playing the title role, a "foul-mouthed, stingy, but skilled veterinarian." There will be love triangles. I may be slightly excited. oh god, the hotness of those three combined will kill us all. o_o At least we will die happy?
dude, i love random people off the internet. and thank you, it's a very high stress job, and i keep telling my husband to knock me up again already so i can go on disability and stay home and still get paid. it's the perfect solution! ..except for the neverending seasickness, the swelling, the hormonal surges, the inexplicable crying...

...maybe i should rethink this plan.

OMG YES. I want all three of them! i want there to be banter! i want Matsujun to make a cameo!
I guess I should say I'm grateful that my job isn't *that* bad (yet, oh god) but I really, really, really do understand. As you probably know based upon the hours and hours of whining you had to listen to in Kotlik.

The thing is, I can think of a number of things that I would enjoy doing but since the utility company and condo association refuse to work on the barter system, I'm pretty well fucked. Meh. I start next week and the tension headaches have already started. I see all these teachers who are all excited and bouncy about the new school year starting and I'm torn between seething envy and red-eyed hatred.
oh, i know you do. and i know mostly this is just beginning of the year stress coupled with the back to school stress PLUS the fact i hate my job, so really, ill be fine! if by "fine" you mean "medicated" and I do.

what would you rather be doing? where are your llamas?

and yeah, i read on facebook some mess somebody posted about teachers who didnt consider their job a "passion" should rethink their career choices and I had to go into the other room and have a hysterical fit for a moment to keep myself from answering anything i might possibly regret.
SERIOUSLY. How do people know what they want to do? I can't work it out either, and I'm stuck like you are, knowing the next job I pick up is going to be in retail again because it's all I'm experienced in even though it can be so stressful.

How about some cute Mei-chan writing to cheer you up? MEI FINDS A STRAY PUPPY AND HER CLASS COOS OVER IT WHILE RIHITO PANICS OVER MESS AND FLEAS XD
i dont know. maybe other people were just given the info beamed into their brains from the aliens who control the earth. *gasps* WE'RE THE CONTROL GROUP! Those BASTARDS!

Gah. Retail. You know, I'd almost rather be working retail. That crap I don't have to take home with me. It's not like I would be sitting there thinking of the best way to sell a blouse to this one particular person who comes in everyday and knocks over all the clothes racks.

MEI AND A PUPPY. Although, I disagree, Rihito would fuss a tad at first, but then Mei would get the pup home and settled in a cardboard box and Rihito would look horrified and whisk the puppy away into another room, and then whisk away a mysterious cloth from nowhere and there is an elegant doghouse with a silver food dish and the puppy fresh and clean with a bow in it's hair.

....Mei would be suspicious that it wasn't the same puppy, as one of Rihito's early protestations would be against mange and sickness and all manner of things.

Rihito frowns on the puppy and is forever sternly dismissing it from off Mei's bed, but sometimes, Mei catches Rihito petting him and wrestling. Which Rihito would FIRMLY deny if she ever told him.

...hmm. turns out i have more to say about this then i thought.
NO! NOT THE CONTROL GROUP!

Yeah, to be fair I only took work home with me because I was an assistant manager and can't help worrying about stupid stuff. And that job was so much more stressful than retail has any right to be (small company, so everything that computers and systems do for most large companies we had to do it all by hand).

And that's very true! Once the puppy was Rihito-approved it would be treated like a little prince/ss :D

(He doesn't like that the puppy can get away with ducking under the covers and snuggling up to Mei in bed because it seems to have no shame, and as much as Rihito wants to do just that his butler training won't allow it XD)
Being a grown up sucks. *hugs*

Did you notice that the Butterfly Lovers drama has been uploaded? That might be something to look forward to, for when you have the time.

I dont wanna be a grown up! I wanna be a dinosaur! *stomps poutily*

I noticed, but i didn't even look to see who was in it. I still havent finished He Was Cool. Im on te last ep, and once they stopped focusing on the relationship and instead focused on the bboy competition (...no, really), I got bored and easily distracted. I am watching Hanayome to Papa now, which is cute, but i keep getting bored and skipping forward a few seconds at a time. Also, the main OTP is cute, but i REALLY want to ship her with her boss.
If I'm not allowed to suggest that taking a SSRI because of your job suggests that you NEED to look for a different job, might I inquire as to your brand of MP3 player? I have more audiobooks that I can share, but several of them are coded for iPod. I'm thinking you need a good dose of Terry Pratchett
did i mention the fact that i was so happy to move out of alaska because that was to be my last teaching job ever? A few months later (and brandus admits it), i was guilted into taking the job offered due to money issues. now i cant get seem to get out. if i was only pulling in enough for daycare or whatever, it would make sense to leave, but im not. and with brandus' student loans and the fucking discover bill, we can't NOT have my salary.

audiobooks are AWESOME, and i can play anything. and if i cant, i can convert it! also, should you be so inclined, i would dearly love more Vorkosigan.
Ug, I'm sorry. I've been there and vividly remember the nauseous feeling of hating my job. I really hope something works out for you.
I loves it. Even just the teeny bits.
ARASHI: Sho and Aiba - Laugh

October 2014

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