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HYD: Three Hours

FIC: Comedy of Eros (Hana Yori Dango, PG)

Title: Comedy of Eros
Fandom: Hana Yori Dango
Author: alianora
Rating: PG
Summery: Domyouji and Makino can't get something as simple as basic biology wrong, can they?




1.

The first time the topic came up, Makino was looking at her plate, not at him.

"Domyouji?" She took a deep breath. "Domyouji, I think..I think I'm ready for us to go to the next..."

"Course? Yes, this fish is crap!" Domyouji leaned over to signal the waiter. "Bring us something that doesn't taste like dirt!"

Makino's plate was whisked away before she could put her chopsticks down. "Oh! Domyouji, that wasn't what I meant."

If he had been looking closely, he would have seen her flush. He wasn't. Instead, he was busy examining the cherry placed on top of his chocolate cake.

"I mean..I mean.." Makino fumbled for words.

He laughed at her. "Little idiot," he said affectionately. "I ordered you cheesecake this time."

Makino stared at him wordlessly as he popped the cherry in his mouth and smiled at her.


2.

F4 stared at Tsukasa in something approaching horror.

Suijiroh's eyes were comically wide. Akira was frozen with one hand reaching across the table. Rui..Rui was trying not to choke with laughter.

And Tsukasa was oblivious to it as he scowled down at the cards in his hand. He threw down one card triumphantly and said, "HA! The Great Domyouji has won, of course!" He patted himself on the back loudly, then finally noticed the strange actions of his friends. "What?" he said irritably. "I know I've won this time - I took Rui's cards."

Rui lay his head down on the gaming table, laughing helplessly.

Akira spoke slowly. Suijiroh offered to draw diagrams.

"WHAT?" Tsukasa exclaimed. "Of course she didn't mean that she wanted..that we should...that I could..." He spluttered to a stop and pushed himself abruptly to his feet. "Where's my phone?"


3.

Makino stopped dead when she entered the hotel room. She took in the enormous bubble bath shaped like a champagne glass, the heart shaped bed that took up nearly half of the room, and the two inches of rose petals heaped on everything. Matching pairs of very skimpy lingerie were hanging on the huge mirror that stood across from the bed.

"Absolutely not," she said firmly.

Domyouji didn't even blink, just threw himself on the bed and gave her what was probably supposed to be a suave smile, one elbow sinking deeply into the comforter.

Makino sighed and flipped open her phone.


4.

Akira and Suijiroh were in charge of the room this time. They obtained an elegantly decorated hotel room - large, but not gaudy. Rui had champagne chilled and sent up.

Makino relaxed into a bubble bath that she wouldn't drown in, unaware of what was going on outside the locked door.

Tsukasa paced anxiously, wearing a robe with a fur collar that kept getting into his mouth. He spoke as quietly as possible into the phone he had pressed to his ear, one eye on the bathroom door. "Yes, of course I know what I'm doing! No, I don't need any suggestions, idiot! It's fairly straightforward!" He stopped dead in his tracks. "What do you mean, 'no, it isn't?" His eyes narrowed. "Have you been keeping secrets from me?" He demanded.

Tsukasa scowled, and checked the bathroom door, but it remained closed. "Fine, fine," he muttered, "I'm going to get a pen." He heedlessly tossed things off the small decorative desk in his search, and settled himself into the dainty chair. "This better be worth it," he hissed into the phone as he hauled a pad of paper close to his chest.


5.

"You like this?" Domyouji half asked/half ordered.

"Let's try something else..ooh."

"That?"

"Yes." A sigh of pleasure. Then, "Ow! That's my ear! Why are you biting me?"

"I'm seducing you!"

"You're hurting me, you moron! Can't you just kiss me like a normal person?"

"I have to kiss you in several erogenous zones for maximum pleasure," he informed her crankily. "Now, lay still."

"OW!"


6.

Domyouji stood barely outside of the hotel room door in his robe, one foot propping it open, and whispered desperately into his phone. "And then what? I think she liked the other thing, but..." He jumped at the sudden soft noise inside the room, and hung up abruptly, shoving the phone down into his deep pocket.

"Domyouji?" Makino asked in confusion. "Why are you in the hallway?"

"I.." He searched for words. "I didn't want to interrupt your primping! I know how much work you have to do to be as attractive as me!"

Five minutes later, Tsukasa was at the front desk, demanding an extra key to let himself back into the room.


7.

"Where are you going?"

"I just..I'll be right back. The..bathroom, I need to.."

"Domyouji! Is that your phone?"

"No. No, of course not!"

"Give it here!"

A brief scuffle ensued, by the end of which Domyouji was on one side of the bed in his untied robe and black and red silk boxers, and Makino stood on the other with Tsukasa's phone.

Panting with exertion, she lifted it to her ear. "Hello?" she asked. "Ah. Yes." She listened for a moment, ignoring Domyouji's increasingly loud demands for its return. "No, thank you, Hanazawa Rui. I don't have any questions." She listened a moment longer. "Yes. I'll take care of everything. Thank Nishikado-san and Mimasaka-san for me."

Decisively, she closed the phone with a snap, walked over to the bathroom door, and threw it in the trash can.

"Oi!" Domyouji yelped in outrage. "Throw your own pauper phone away and leave mine alone! I need that!"

"No, you don't," Makino said firmly, walking up to him and putting her arms around his neck. "Now, I'm going to give you directions, and you are going to follow them." Her eyes narrowed, "Understand?"

Domyouji followed her hands as they pushed his robe off his shoulders. He looked at her in astonishment.

Makino smiled determindly, and untied her own robe.


8.

Two hours later, Domyouji's phone issued a quiet chirp from it's resting place in the trash can.

Several feet away, Makino rolled over and stole the covers, leaving a sleeping Domyouji wearing nothing but a delightedly smug grin.

On the other end of the line, Suijiroh, Rui, and Akira lifted a glass in honor of Tsukasa and Makino, and laughed.

END

Comments

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Ha. I loved this. Domyouji so wouldn't know anything about sex. Very cute story.
thank you! and yes, he is completely and utterly clueless about sex.
I. Love. You.

*GLEE*

OMG.

Popping Cherries.

BITING.

TELLING HER WHAT AND HOW AND FAILING SO UTTERLY MISERABLY. GLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Oh, Makino. You have the patience of a saint.

*beams* you like it? it amuses ME, but Im crazy.

Dorkface really is utter utter fail, isnt he? *loves like crazy*
I'm so glad you didn't forget about this one! It was totally worth the wait.

I love how hopelessly dorky Dorkface was (wearing a robe with a fur collar that kept getting into his mouth. hee!), and how patient Makino was.

today it just finally..worked! so i went with it!

and Dorkface will NEVER not be a dork. And poor poor Makino, having to put up with an idiot.

thanks for reading!
Thank you!
Very cute and funny :)
thank you!
XDDDDDDDDDDD
this couple is just so perfect in so many ways~
oh how I love clueless domyouji <33
thanks for sharing! x3~
lol! thank you for reading!
Oh god, I am DYING over here. This is soooo absolutely perfect. I love you. :D
hee! thank you! and please dont die!
EEEEEEEEEEE!!! YOU FINISHED IT!!! YOU FINISHED IT!!! AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY AS AWESOME AS I KNEW IT WOULD BE!!!!

*DIES A MILLION GIDDY DEATHS!!*

*MEMS!*
*beams at you* I DID! I DID! and YAAAY you like it YAAAY!

*blows you kisses*

Hee. :)

I love this, hilarious and in character and just. So awesome. I love how involved the rest of F4 gets in this.

Re: Hee. :)

you KNOW Domyouji is incapable of figuring out how to seduce Makino by himself! F4 to the rescue!

Thanks for reading!
WHY IS THIS SO PERFECT AND AWESOME?! *loves*

You nailed the characterisation - everyone is perfect here, especially Domyouji and his silly fur collar and Tsukushi with her "I'll do the leading, thankyouverymuch" attitude. Loved the guys trying to give Domyouji the benefit of their (extensive) collective experience and the line about the cherry was wonderful.

I haven't seen HYD since the last episode was subbed, so it's probably due for a rewatch. Curse you and your fantastic writing! ♥
*glee* I am so glad you liked it! And yes, HYD is always up for a rewatch!

i had great fun with this. I couldnt entirely decide if Rui would "help" or if he would just make hilarious commentary on the entire thing, so I figured he'd do both. Suijiroh and Akira provided the biological diagrams and useful tips on how to get a girl's bra off.

thanks for reading!
Um, this is nothing short of AMAZING. It kind of just gets better and better. And better. And then when I think it couldn't get any better ... it does.
lol! thank you so much!
Loved this so,so much-XD
Domyouji and Makino in a nutshell^__^
thanks for reading!
Absolutely hilarious and totally spot-on -- thank you so much for sharing! ♥
thank you so much! thanks for reading!
LOVE IT. Especially the very HYD-esque details: The fur-trimmed robe! The two inch layer of rose petals! The cranky seduction! The nervous phone calls! F4 orchestrating the entire thing! I was laughing the entire time. You'd think Tsukasa would know something - anything - about this after hanging out with Akira and Sojiro his whole life, but nooooooo. XD
Oh, and I like the [kinda-sorta-maybe Dorkface-ish?] wordplay in the title. lol.
this is like the essence of the up bits of their relationship, distilled and served chilled.
what a lovely comment! thank you for reading!
Oh god, I was literally gasping for breath while reading this! Hilarious and just perfect characterization. The little details are spot-on: two-inch thick rose petals on everything, a fur-collared robe and settling himself in a dainty chair! I can see it now! Okay, fave lines:

Domyouji didn't even blink, just threw himself on the bed and gave her what was probably supposed to be a suave smile, one elbow sinking deeply into the comforter.
&
"What do you mean, 'no, it isn't?" His eyes narrowed. "Have you been keeping secrets from me?" He demanded.

AHAHA, he's such a loser. Seriously, the more Domyouji fails at life, the more I love him. And Makino taking charge was a) the only way things (okay, people) were going to get done and b) way hot! Thank you so much for writing this! I needed to see these two work out their sex issues and this was absolutely perfect. *mems and hearts forever*
hee! thank you so much! and really, Makino taking charge was the ONLY way things were going to get anywhere!
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